Dating can be incredibly challenging because it has the potential to trigger almost all of your anxieties, whether they exist around social interactions or are more internal.
The way you talk to yourself and decide to live it is essential to make it an opportunity for growth instead of getting in a downward spiral of self-doubt and self-judgment.
If you feel like you’re not enjoying dating anymore, here are 5 powerful affirmations to get you (re)connected with the fun of it
I am worthy.
Unworthiness is at the root of a lot of suffering in dating and life. It’s rooted deep in your nervous system because your brain has an innate tendency to focus on what you don’t have and over-identify with any rejection you experience. It’s a potent thought pattern that will lead you to believe that you deserve rejection and discourage you from trying to connect.
Remember that you are worthy, you are enough, and when you reach someone else, you may experience a warm welcome more often than not because people are overall social beings and love to contact someone else.
Approaching others from a place of worthiness will allow you to feel open and inviting and immediately draws people to you.
I am uniquely awesome.
There is this widespread idea that everybody is somehow looking for the same qualities in a partner and that only the “top 10%” of people best fitting that ideal will be lucky enough to get a worthy match.
If you don’t challenge this idea, you end up investing a lot of time and energy to be someone you’re not. It’s exhausting, and it rarely sticks.
You don’t want to appeal to everyone, just the right person (or a few of them for our PolyA friends. I do not forget you!)
Instead, showing up as yourself and embracing all aspects of yourself will give you that unique, empowered flavor that everybody wants. Yeah, even the one you don’t feel really passionate about. These are a part of you and deserve love as such. You can even give them a cute spin in most situations. Clumsy ? endearing. Introvert? Mindful and compassionate.
Accepting who you are will get you more “dating capital,” or at the very least less hassle.
Be lazy, be yourself. Plus, being authentic suppresses the notion of concurrence in dating. You don’t have to compete with anyone else; there is only one you. It’s so helpful to keep that in mind to relax and enjoy the ride!
My boundaries are valid.
Sometimes it feels like you need external validation for your boundaries, either from the peoples you are putting a limit to or your close friends. Some of us are so focused on connecting with others and pleasing them that they’ll rather suffer some discomfort than make it known that they feel somewhat uncomfortable. But boundaries can be a gift too! Clear boundaries create a safe and understandable space to connect, evolve and play in. Don’t you hate when you don’t know what the rules are?
There might be some back and forth, as someone new might need to learn about your boundaries, but it can be relaxed and drama-free. Just let them know what works for you. It doesn’t have to be the same as anybody else, and you don’t have to give any justification.
Finally, if someone you like is testing your boundaries, especially at an early stage, I’d say, “run for the hills and don’t look back.”
There are good partners, and there is someone for me.
Are you carrying limiting beliefs about your dating pool? You know, the not-so-subtle one like “All good men are either taken or gay” or “How could I find the one on a 7 billion human planet?”
Unchecked, this will prevent you from even seeing a potential partner when one’s around. Confirmation bias is tricky; it will make you focus on any person that is proving your point instead of actively looking for great people.
So try to change your radar settings so you look for potential matches actively. If you’re used to practicing gratitude, it might come to you way more easily.
I choose me, and I choose love.
Dating is a challenge. It’s true. Every time things do not work out is an opportunity to think that’s something wrong with you, feel old rejection wounds come back to life, and give up to fears and loneliness.
But it’s also like the world’s most effective boot camp to become a badass at self-love and self-soothing. Every time you get a “no”, every time you feel like your inner child is freaking out, you get to chose love, to chose yourself and to remind yourself that of course, it’s not going to work with everyone. You’re looking for something super rare and precious and extraordinary.